Tribute to my mother Mary Ellen

Mary Ellen McCarthy was born 12 August 1924 in Pennsylvania, the second daughter to Jack and Molly. There were 5 more girls to be birthed at home in ensuing years with 6 sisters surviving into adulthood (in fact all have lived to be over 70.)

Mary Ellen rarely spoke about her childhood but had an enormous amount of love and respect for her parents and could not imagine children feeling any other way towards their parents. She attended secretarial school because the family could not afford to send her to nursing school. Her work as a secretary in an insurance firm was enjoyable and she often spoke of this job many years after it was over.

One can only imagine the difficulty of being 25 and unmarried in 1949. Mary Ellen’s older sister by one year had married during the war and had a 6 year old by the time Mary Ellen married Joe in 1949. To further challenge this woman who was programmed to have a family a late miscarriage and perhaps infertility meant that she did not have her first child until she was nearly 30. Three children and a hard working husband kept Mary Ellen busy with all of the domestic chores in the 1950-70s. She took her role as homemaker seriously and seemed to never consider outside employment either because she did not want it or it just wasn’t done in those days.

A volunteer role with the Catholic Service League buying baby clothes was a perfect opportunity for Mary Ellen to combine two of her talents, shopping and considering what a baby should wear. She loved this job and spoke of it often. The outfits she selected were what the babies were dressed in to meet their adoptive parents.

Involvement with family occupied the rest of Mary Ellen’s life. She had a few close friends but never looked hard to make new friends as life changed. Shopping, playing cards and travelling were her most important activities. She loved having time with family and always welcomed visitors.

When I think of all my mother’s positive qualities I reflect on the fact that she was fiercely loyal to her family especially her mother, husband, children and grandchildren. This is not to say that she agreed with their choices or got along with them in an easy manner but she did not give up and was always ready to have another conversation. She was a smart woman (a skilled Bridge player) and for one that had received little education, very capable.

 

I am most grateful to my mother for instilling me with the belief that I could do anything if I tried hard enough. While her life was confined by the attitudes of the time, her marriage and the Catholic church she always encouraged me to achieve. She could never understand and appreciate many of my life choices and did not stop trying to convince me to change some things in my life but she continued to show interest in what I was doing. 

May she rest in peace and have a safe, joyful journey for her soul. I love you mom.

 

Who Do I think I am??

A confronting question for this phase of my life. It started as "Who do you think I am?" and then Ruth suggested that I internalize that question which does make a lot more sense.

The thought comes up as people say, what do you do on Lady Elliot Island or they discuss my Caravan Park needs and I admit that I have a bed in the back of my car. I assume that I am dismissed, not given much respect or discounted as a worthwhile person all because my "station" in life has changed. No longer do I rely on a degree for my work, a partner for daily interaction, a grand house to call home or a certain future.

So, who do I think I am?  I think I am a conglomeration of all the people I have ever been and it won't stop here. I realise that one's "station" in life is not necessarily connected to who they are and is an imaginary place anyway.

I am a mother who poured her heart and soul into that task and is better for it. I am a friend that can add value to relationships (especially when I am not self absorbed, give me another month please). I am a daughter still grieving for the parents she never had and the parents she no longer has. I am a sister who waits patiently to be rediscovered.

I am an adventurer who sometimes needs a push to get on the road but often finds delight in discovering the unknown beautiful places the world has to offer. I am an intelligent, insightful and curious person that never stops learning and wants to give something back to the universe.  

I am a big hearted sometimes confused soul that searches for love and fulfilment. I am a hard working, stubborn idealist that always wants to believe that everything is going to turn out ok. And I am becoming me, every day, a little bit more like the person who I think I am.

Gratitude for whales

Today marked the 10th straight day of work for me and I am more than ready to fly to Hervey Bay tomorrow and have a rest. I am planning a trip up the coast to look around Bundaberg for a day or two and just enjoy my time off. The weather had been cool and rainy but has now changed to warm sun, coolish air and very blue skies.

I was fortunate to go on a sunset cruise the other evening and watch a few whales. A fire on the mainland made some magnificent cloud colours in the sky. I have been watching for meteors at night and have been rewarded with two spottings. The Perseids meteor shower will peak in the northern hemisphere between 9-12 August. May not be as good for those of us in the southern hemisphere but have a look and see if you can wish on a shooting star.

Merilyn introduced me to the concept of a gratitude journal and I am happy to be starting one of my own. I read an article that Google found for me talking about real benefits one can receive from this practice once a week. So here is the start of mine:

Today I saw whales breeching and fin slapping. I can't explain why whale spotting always fills me with awe and happiness but it does. Maybe because I always imagine creatures in the ocean even when I can't see them (which is 99% of the time I look at the ocean) it makes the 1% so special to see the beautiful blue water come alive with whales. Ocean gazing also makes me feel peaceful and connected to the planet. I am filled with gratitude that I have the time and place to see whales and the big blue.

A resort guest was very kind to me and asked what had brought me to the island. We've had a few conversations now and today she shared the JK Rowlings book, The Casual Vacancy. I have wanted to read it since it came out and now I shall have the opportunity. For this book, the guest, JK Rowlings who has brought me immense pleasure over the years and the time to read I am grateful.

Over the last month I have made a new friend, become closer to 2 of my cousins and reconnected with several old friends. While email is not as good as sitting face to face it has been wonderful to receive kind words of support from all of these people plus my constant friends. I am very grateful for all of you friends that have encouraged me to keep blogging, stay positive and let time pass. It is working and I am so much stronger than 1 month ago. THNX FRIENDS.