Tribute to my mother Mary Ellen

Mary Ellen McCarthy was born 12 August 1924 in Pennsylvania, the second daughter to Jack and Molly. There were 5 more girls to be birthed at home in ensuing years with 6 sisters surviving into adulthood (in fact all have lived to be over 70.)

Mary Ellen rarely spoke about her childhood but had an enormous amount of love and respect for her parents and could not imagine children feeling any other way towards their parents. She attended secretarial school because the family could not afford to send her to nursing school. Her work as a secretary in an insurance firm was enjoyable and she often spoke of this job many years after it was over.

One can only imagine the difficulty of being 25 and unmarried in 1949. Mary Ellen’s older sister by one year had married during the war and had a 6 year old by the time Mary Ellen married Joe in 1949. To further challenge this woman who was programmed to have a family a late miscarriage and perhaps infertility meant that she did not have her first child until she was nearly 30. Three children and a hard working husband kept Mary Ellen busy with all of the domestic chores in the 1950-70s. She took her role as homemaker seriously and seemed to never consider outside employment either because she did not want it or it just wasn’t done in those days.

A volunteer role with the Catholic Service League buying baby clothes was a perfect opportunity for Mary Ellen to combine two of her talents, shopping and considering what a baby should wear. She loved this job and spoke of it often. The outfits she selected were what the babies were dressed in to meet their adoptive parents.

Involvement with family occupied the rest of Mary Ellen’s life. She had a few close friends but never looked hard to make new friends as life changed. Shopping, playing cards and travelling were her most important activities. She loved having time with family and always welcomed visitors.

When I think of all my mother’s positive qualities I reflect on the fact that she was fiercely loyal to her family especially her mother, husband, children and grandchildren. This is not to say that she agreed with their choices or got along with them in an easy manner but she did not give up and was always ready to have another conversation. She was a smart woman (a skilled Bridge player) and for one that had received little education, very capable.

 

I am most grateful to my mother for instilling me with the belief that I could do anything if I tried hard enough. While her life was confined by the attitudes of the time, her marriage and the Catholic church she always encouraged me to achieve. She could never understand and appreciate many of my life choices and did not stop trying to convince me to change some things in my life but she continued to show interest in what I was doing. 

May she rest in peace and have a safe, joyful journey for her soul. I love you mom.

 

Who Do I think I am??

A confronting question for this phase of my life. It started as "Who do you think I am?" and then Ruth suggested that I internalize that question which does make a lot more sense.

The thought comes up as people say, what do you do on Lady Elliot Island or they discuss my Caravan Park needs and I admit that I have a bed in the back of my car. I assume that I am dismissed, not given much respect or discounted as a worthwhile person all because my "station" in life has changed. No longer do I rely on a degree for my work, a partner for daily interaction, a grand house to call home or a certain future.

So, who do I think I am?  I think I am a conglomeration of all the people I have ever been and it won't stop here. I realise that one's "station" in life is not necessarily connected to who they are and is an imaginary place anyway.

I am a mother who poured her heart and soul into that task and is better for it. I am a friend that can add value to relationships (especially when I am not self absorbed, give me another month please). I am a daughter still grieving for the parents she never had and the parents she no longer has. I am a sister who waits patiently to be rediscovered.

I am an adventurer who sometimes needs a push to get on the road but often finds delight in discovering the unknown beautiful places the world has to offer. I am an intelligent, insightful and curious person that never stops learning and wants to give something back to the universe.  

I am a big hearted sometimes confused soul that searches for love and fulfilment. I am a hard working, stubborn idealist that always wants to believe that everything is going to turn out ok. And I am becoming me, every day, a little bit more like the person who I think I am.

Gratitude for whales

Today marked the 10th straight day of work for me and I am more than ready to fly to Hervey Bay tomorrow and have a rest. I am planning a trip up the coast to look around Bundaberg for a day or two and just enjoy my time off. The weather had been cool and rainy but has now changed to warm sun, coolish air and very blue skies.

I was fortunate to go on a sunset cruise the other evening and watch a few whales. A fire on the mainland made some magnificent cloud colours in the sky. I have been watching for meteors at night and have been rewarded with two spottings. The Perseids meteor shower will peak in the northern hemisphere between 9-12 August. May not be as good for those of us in the southern hemisphere but have a look and see if you can wish on a shooting star.

Merilyn introduced me to the concept of a gratitude journal and I am happy to be starting one of my own. I read an article that Google found for me talking about real benefits one can receive from this practice once a week. So here is the start of mine:

Today I saw whales breeching and fin slapping. I can't explain why whale spotting always fills me with awe and happiness but it does. Maybe because I always imagine creatures in the ocean even when I can't see them (which is 99% of the time I look at the ocean) it makes the 1% so special to see the beautiful blue water come alive with whales. Ocean gazing also makes me feel peaceful and connected to the planet. I am filled with gratitude that I have the time and place to see whales and the big blue.

A resort guest was very kind to me and asked what had brought me to the island. We've had a few conversations now and today she shared the JK Rowlings book, The Casual Vacancy. I have wanted to read it since it came out and now I shall have the opportunity. For this book, the guest, JK Rowlings who has brought me immense pleasure over the years and the time to read I am grateful.

Over the last month I have made a new friend, become closer to 2 of my cousins and reconnected with several old friends. While email is not as good as sitting face to face it has been wonderful to receive kind words of support from all of these people plus my constant friends. I am very grateful for all of you friends that have encouraged me to keep blogging, stay positive and let time pass. It is working and I am so much stronger than 1 month ago. THNX FRIENDS.

Technology makes even cool days pleasant

Yes even the Great Barrier Reef gets cool weather in the winter and today was one of those days. After the spectacular snorkel with mantas yesterday I was not tempted to enter the water today when the max air temperature was probably 18C.

As you may understand there is not a lot do on this island besides walk the coral beach, snorkel, scuba and work or relax. I have relied on technology to entertain me and have worked out Skype so that I had wonderful chats on both my days off. If you want to Skype with me send me an email and I'll try to be on at that time. So amazing that you can video call even between countries for free!!

Aside from Skype I have also used the library services to download books. I have appreciated both the books downloaded to my computer and the audio ones on my iPhone. I am now a member of 4 library systems and have rights to digital books at 3. Currently reading two books (computer glitch caused me to stop half way though one and then it was unavailable til now) The Book Thief and All the Pretty Horses. This was a nice treat today, to sit in a bit of sunshine and read.

The other technology contribution that is exercising my brain is Lumosity. You can have a free trial at www.lumosity.com  I have been playing at it for 10 months and love the challenges. From their website
"Scientists once believed that mental ability was fixed after childhood. But over the last few decades, neuroscientists have discovered that adults’ brains are constantly changing – growing new neurons and connections – in a process known as neuroplasticity. Lumosity takes advantage of the brain’s innate neuroplasticity to help shape it into a more effective, powerful organ.

Instead of teaching specific skills that may only be useful in specific areas, Lumosity targets core cognitive processes that underlie performance in many different areas. These processes include memory, attention and other abilities that are critical in the real world."
Hardy, J. & Scanlon, M., The Science Behind Lumosity. November, 2009.

I do wonder if they have rigged the scoring because you might not want to keep playing or subscribing if you were getting worse. I currently perform better than 80% of 50-54 year olds which makes me happy given my fears of poor memory, directional ability, etc.

So no wildlife to report today but technology makes it all fun.

Snorkeling with 50 manta rays

The first of my two days off (on island) turned cold and I did not expect to snorkel given the prediction of 2 meter ocean swells. As sometimes the case the prediction of the ocean swell was exaggerated or had not occurred yet so at 10:45 this morning I climbed aboard the glass bottom boat determined to brave the cold (19C?) and look at mantas from the boat. I dressed in my shortie wet suit just in case I wanted to snorkel and with mantas all around us I could not resist. Of course the water was warmer than the air and what a fabulous experience!!  I feel very fortunate to have such a great place to swim.

Manta rays were busy feeding on the plankton and came within an arms reach. Such graceful, mysterious looking creatures. Once again I want to share a little info on these fish that are hard to see most of the time and here I was watching one after the other swim next to me, below me and veer off course to avoid a collision with me. There is no danger, manta rays do not have the barb of the sting ray and since they are filter feeders they cannot bite you. 

Courtesy of Wikipedia (plus my comments), the species I am looking at is

 M. alfredi which reaches about 5.5 m wingtip to wingtip (18 ft).^[21] Dorsally, mantas are typically black or dark in color with pale markings on their "shoulders". Ventrally, they are usually white or pale with distinctive dark markings by which individual mantas can be recognized.^[8] (over 700 individuals photographed  around Lady Elliot and identified by Project Manta)
Mantas move through the water by the wing-like movements of their pectoral fins, which drive water backwards. Their large mouths are rectangular, and face forward as opposed to other ray and skate species with downward-facing mouths. Mantas must swim continuously to keep oxygenated water passing over their gills. Mantas track down prey with visual and olfactory senses. They have one of the highest brain-to-body mass ratios of all fish.

 

 

Manta alfredi group in the Maldives

6] ^[17] Manta rays may live for as long as 50 years.

 

Manta alfredi foraging with mouth opened wide and cephalic fins spread

As filter feeders, manta rays consume large quantities of zooplankton in the form of shrimp, krill and planktonic crabs. An individual manta eats about 13% of its body weight each week. When foraging, it slowly swims around its prey, herding it into a tight "ball" and then speeds through the bunched organisms with a wide-open mouth.^{[20] 0]} As many as fifty individual fish may gather at a single, plankton-rich feeding site.^[10] Mantas are themselves preyed upon by large sharks and by killer whales. They may also be bitten by cookiecutter sharks,^[22]:17 and harbor parasitic copepods.^[22]:14

Manta alfredi at a coral reef cleaning station with fish picking off parasites

Mantas visit cleaning stations on coral reefs for the removal of external parasites. The ray adopts a near-stationary position close to the coral surface for several minutes while the cleaner fish consume the attached organisms. Such visits most frequently occur when the tide is high.^[34]Individual mantas may revisit the same cleaning station or feeding area repeatedly^[35] and appear to have cognitive maps of their environment.^[23]
Mantas are found in tropical and sub-tropical waters in all the world's major oceans

TV Show Combo

As day follows day and I clean, change sheets, count pillow cases, vacuum and make origami towel arrangements I settle into a rhythm that feels good except for the aching bones, muscles, etc. I remember that once upon a time I was using a paid personal trainer to make me squat and move as I do now. I constantly hear “core on” in my head as my lower back complains knowing that a strong core saves your back.

The physical routine is pleasing as there is no time for thinking about anything other than the task at hand and sometimes the one just ahead. Today I worked alone for most of the day and it was a relief to not have to listen to someone talk all day long.

The nights are sometimes difficult as those who have experienced broken heartedness would know. Luckily I have some meditation tracks on my iPhone to assist with ridding my mind of thoughts that I cannot process right now. I tell myself that this is early days and all will be right in time. Shed a few tears for would have, could have, should have and move on.

Working on an island with such isolation (tv and phone limited) does come with some interesting people. Turns out there is somewhat of a culture of people who go from resort to resort to work. People here have worked at Kakadu, Heron Island, Dunk Island, Cradle Mountain, El Questro, etc. It does allow you to work without worry about car, accommodation, or staying on top of current affairs.

There are moments when I am working with the physical challenges, listening to conversation, observing, or absorbing information that I think this is like a combo reality TV show. Big Brother, Survivor, Biggest Loser, Farmer wants a wife, Undercover Boss, etc. I float around all of this as I am just an oldie here for a sea change.

The “kids” take it all quite seriously. One person was asked to leave recently, dramas in the dive shop, romances all around, people coming and going,  complaints that management is not listening / caring / understanding. All the usual work issues but 20 year olds working and living together, an interesting combination.

Had a chance to snorkel yesterday after work. Around noon there were over 100 mantas feeding. At 4:30 I saw no mantas but did see 2 green turtles and 1 loggerhead along with many fish. All interesting. In a few days I will snorkel during my day off and hope to finally observe the manta rays under the water. On the planes coming and going I have seen them from above the water. I also hope to see whales from the boat.

Time off in a caravan park

My 10 days of work ended soon enough as just about every part of my body was complaining from the physical exertion of cleaning, bending and hurrying from place to place. Off I went on the same little plane that took me to the island. This plane is one of the oldest in the "fleet" and not favoured by seasoned islanders. It was just the chef, the pilot and I on this flight that went straight to Hervey Bay. On take off I counted 8 manta rays one behind the other close to the shore.

The night before I left the island I attended a talk on Manta Rays by a French woman who has finished her PhD at University of Queensland and works in the Manta Project. http://www.uq.edu.au/ecology/project-manta (The aim (of Project Manta) is to define key drivers behind movements of large filter-feeding organisms, using the manta ray as a model system. An understanding of why animals occupy particular sites at particular times is important, especially in the face of climate change.) The author had lots of footage of her many dives around Lady Elliot showing the mantas and describing what they have learned about these relatively unstudied animals. It was very informative and convinced me that I must achieve my scuba cert so that I can do more than snorkel.

You may remember from my earlier post that I considered bunking with the Buddhists or staying in a worker's room offered at a small hotel by a generous man I met. In the end I realise that my journey is my own, I am not Buddhist and don't think this is the time for me to take up a religion. While it is nice to meet generous strangers it's also good to just figure it out on my own. So with all of that in mind I pulled my Honda without 3/4 of the back seat (left in Melbourne) and my new car mattress into a caravan park on the beach. The $26 per night backpacker special gave me a spot to park and use of the toilet block, kitchen, and laundry.

Night one was difficult as I did not have the usual physical exhaustion to keep me asleep all night. The sea was loud, bats were chirpy, the mattress too firm, the sleeping bag too hot and there was a bright light shining in on me. Second night much better as I was used to things and had invested in a sun visor to keep the light from entering the car. Plenty of caravaners and backpackers driving vans around to know that many people enjoy this mode of travel.

There was plenty to do whilst on my break. Living out of a car requires a bit of organisation that took time. I walked the beach and met this pelican. Enjoyed a few hours in the local library working at my computer and learned to use my iPhone as a personal hotspot. Visited the doctor who suggested I stop stressing about my blood pressure and was quite dismayed that I was handling all the changes in my life without an antidepressant and no friends on the island. I thanked him for his concern and said that I had email contact with many supportive friends and that the island was good for me.

And good for me it is. As I boarded the flight it even felt a little like coming home. The pilot was the same one from my first trip over and very friendly. He asked me to sit next to him so I had the co pilots seat. About 6 whales greeted us when we got close to the island and the pilot made a circle above them for all to see. Then a few mantas just off the island and I was home.

The pilot gave me the good news that 9 of the Orcas that had been "trapped" in the shallows for over a week made it to open sea. He had flown over them last Thursday. A total of 4 whales died from the beaching and everyone is still amazed that there were Orcas in Hervey Bay.